What Would Your Rap Name Be?

Pick an adjective that describes your best friend.

Pick a noun that is either the street you grew up on, your favorite vacation destination, or an Egyptian pharaoh’s name that starts with the same letter as your last name.

So if your best friend is short and you like going to the Midwest, you’re now Lil’ Michigan

If your friend was pale and you grew up on Southern Boulevard, you’re signed as Pasty South

You get the idea.

Next to name an album. What was your worst subject in grade school? What’s a career that subject applies to?

If you hated social studies, your new album is called Judicial Branch. The cover art is a cartoon version of you Photoshopped into the OJ Simpson trial and red lines are scribbled on everything in the photo to simulate red permanent marker.

Great – you’re ready to rap!


Southern Boulevard’s name would be Big High, the connotations of which do not suit Southern Boulevard as he is neither big nor high. Or it could be Fazt Sneferu. Or Cape Young. Actually, Cape Young works pretty well. I was bad at math, and lots of accountants are good at math. At least, good accountants.

Cape Young: AccountableCAPE_YOUNG_ALB_COVER_SB

Wow. How majestic. The cover art would be little boy drawing a red wagon behind him across the Somme in 1916. How artsy! I think Cape Young gets a swell star.

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