Are you “cool?” is a quiz many people undoubtedly take, because their understanding of life is lacking. Friends, comrades, swellies, this is the quiz for you: to define your levels of swell. What needs work? Find out below. Results available at the end. Stay swell.
1. If confronted by an Egyptian man with an eye-patch demanding you purchase an item from his market stall, what would you pick?
A. Snakeskin boots
2. Snakeskin belt
3. Leather fingerless gloves with built-in radiation sensors
4. A mysterious scroll which causes choir music in the background as you unfurl it.
2. When consuming a drink with a straw, what is your choice?
A. Liquified New Balance shoes with a touch of swell
4. Diet Sprite
3. Alas, your castle is under siege. Weapon of choice:
A. You use a T-shirt cannon to fire ice-cream globules at your enemies
2. Sword and shield
3. A baseball bat wrapped in pink duct tape and a bad attitude
4. The fact you haven’t touched a bar of soap in eight months
4. What color is your leather jacket?
4. The color of hope and despair; man’s color; the color within us all. Cloaked in the night, you advance, a little cigarette smoke wafting from your lips, leaving passersby wondering: who is this man? You respond with only your musky odor and a rustle of your leathern collar, knowing that they will never understand.
5. Swelliest president of these United Swells:
A. Swelliham Lincoln
2. George Bush
3. Swelly Rooseswell
4. Andrew Jackswell
6. Final question, comrade! What is the greeting and parting phrase used by the truly swell?
B. Swellia a Swellia
C. Pass the salt, baby
D. What’s good?
RESULTS: If you picked mostly A or 2, congratulations. Your are truly swell. If you hit a lot of C and D, your swelliness needs work. But don’t get a swell head if you did swell: that’s not what being swell is all about.
REWARD: Only look at this if you got at least 4 A’s or 2’s, comrade. It is very swell and reveals information about swell, lending a greater understanding to the novice swelly: