Welcome, Comrades, to Southern Boulevard’s second post on the Art of Swell. We shall be swellosophizing today: what exactly does it mean to be swell? How does one define the un-swell? And most importantly, is it true that twice the swell makes you twice as well?
Let’s answer those questions in the opposite order of the order in which they were asked. Why? Because swell, that’s why.
First off, being swell makes you well. You’ll be healthier, louder, quicker, and probably a bit wittier and better smelling in general. If you double the amount of swell in your life, you immediately become twice as well. This is simple logic.
What about the un-swell? Oh dear. Many different interpretations of swelliness exist, which means many interpretations of un-swell exist as well. Here are a few things that a very un-swell, comrade. Do your best to avoid them, and if you ever come in contact, take a cold shower with the curtain open while burning your clothes and screaming like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, an extremely swell young man. He knew all too well how to purge himself of the un-swell.
Some very un-swell things. WARNING: SWELLER DISCRETION IS ADVISED:
And this book:
Sorry comrade. Here’s a swell thing real quick to cleanse your visual pallete:
So now that we have some examples, what does it mean to be swell? Good question. The thing is, “Swell” is a very ubiquitous concept. It has been around as long as humans have been around. It has always been the answer of the swell to the un-swell. In the end, comrade, you must look within yourself to define what is truly swell or un-swell. Just know that there is a massive list of rules about swell you don’t know, which will not be published here because they are inborn knowledge among the truly swell, who may choose to share them with others, or may not. Your best bet is to closely observe a swindividual and follow their example.
But not too closely, as that wouldn’t be swell.
Best of luck, comrade.
Swellia a Swellia!
Pictured below from our last article: A very swell van, with a swellier driver. A ride would be highly recommended should he offer it to you.