Hiering Elfs

college 14
100% accurate horoscopes 5
pros and cons of texting 3
cons of texting 2
hiering elfs for santa 1
cartoons about evolution posted in 2014 1
100% accurate daily forcast 1
satirical advice to freshmen 1
terrible job interviews 1
gondor soldiers cant kill orcs 1
boulevard southern boulevard 1
college images 1
snowman pictograph 1
french beatniks images 1
shoe haul in southern blvd 1
robot costume uncomfortable trick or treat 1
terrible tips for high school

See that? Those are Southern Boulevard’s search terms for the last 90 days. Some of my favorites include “hiering elfs for santa,” “gondor soldiers cant kill orcs,” and “satirical advice to freshman.” And here’s why.

Our elfin friend has created a new verb. We’ll have to infer meaning. Hier (v): To forcibly give a haircut. Undoubtedly elfs must be hiered before inspection. They’ll need to be spiffy before the start of the Christmas season and have utilitarian elf-cuts which keep hair out of the eyes and let the ears breathe while still remaining presentable.

Gondor soldiers can’t kill orcs, as anyone who’s watched The Return of the King well knows. Especially when those orcs are 4-5 ft. tall, have a Cockney accent, and considerably less threatening than any Uruk or Orc previously seen in the trilogy. The Fellowship members, especially Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas, seem to have no trouble killing orcs. In fact, orcs literally throw themselves onto Aragorn’s sword, and they advance slowly enough for Legolas to painstakingly shoot each of them right in the throat before drawing another arrow.

As for the cold-hearted person trying to give freshmen satirical advice, I can’t imagine who would do such a thing, let alone post a detailed record of it on the internet. For the record, this is not someone I want to meet.

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