Ah, the typesetting skills of the general public. Reading bulletins for summer classes to keep kids occupied is always fun – overpriced, dangerous, etc. Southern Boulevard tried to recreate that feeling here as accurately as possible.
HONEST SUMMER RECREATION BULLETIN
- International Multi-Sports Program by Barry Mulligan This is an excellent program. Our goal is to help each child progress their athletic skills and knowledge of rules on a field in direct sun. Children are exposed to “Survival of the Fittest” theme this year! Our instructors are Scotland certified to teach your kids non-American football, thus confusing them horribly. Ages 7-13. $117.17 down payment, $20 Every Day 5 Days/Week Full Summer
- Joan’s Church Community Service Extravaganza. Those who need community service hours may enter this program. We offer six three-day sessions between June and August (see our site at www.stjoanschurchcommunityserviceextravaganza.tumblr.com). We will work digging up gravestones and repositioning them. We will also clean a crypt. Ages 7-12.
- Need to keep your kids occupied all summer? So do we! Call Agnes Nurden at 555-598-0985 to help with BABYSITTING. Must be 18-27, female, cute, brunette, 5’6” to 5’9″ tall. Interview will be scheduled after call. MUST SPEAK ENGLISH. No visible tattoos. Must know judo for our 11-yr-old.
The NEWSPAPER needs EDITORS. Are you proficient with Microsoft Word 2004? Will pay minimum wage, looks gr8 on resume. Go to the diner on Main Street and order an onion burger. Don’t eat until two minutes after your order comes, then ask if Henry is there. If he is, give him your burger and you’ve got the job.
- SHURIKAN DOJO: LIL’ WARRIORS DOJO CLUB BEGINS AT THE DOJO JULY 3rd. Want a more respectful child who can stand up for themselves and others? Who will become obsessed with a system of colored belts? Starting at just $4,124 for our one-month plan. Stop by the dojo to blast fat in our adult classes! “I’m so sexy now after working out at Shurikan’s dojo” – A local mom of three “I feel so young thanks to Shurikan’s dojo” – a local veteran
- This Class is for Math Readiness for Homeschoolers. It will be taught at the Sawyer’s House, 13 Long Den Road, Backwoodsville, CT. Space limited, the class fills up in two months!!! Class size small, only eight students. Please tell us if your child is snooty, we love it.
Not sure what I was thinking with this font size. Not sure at all. But that’s not the point. The point is, I’m running a Bible Camp I don’t care about. There’s enough kids already, but throw yours in if you want them to feel alienated by kids who know each other from church.
Coming soon: Southern Boulevard’s Back to School Shopping List.
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